I’ve been struggling to get back into the groove of writing. I found NYC Midnight by chance, and decided to enter into their 100-word Microfiction Challenge. Our parameters were a 100 word story within a specific genre, and using a specific action, and a specific word. All elements of the prompt were randomly assigned. There are some other specifics, but that’s the skeleton of it.
My Assignment:
Genre: Fairy Tale and/or Fantasy
Action: Getting stung by a bee
Word: moon
My Entry:
The Bear and the Bees
On the brightest of silver nights, hungry Bear seeks Queen Moon. Her brilliant comb holds the richest, sweetest honey. Ignoring the dream-weaving stings of Moon’s daughters, Bear sinks his fangs into her comb. Ignoring Bear’s coarse pelt, the bees swarm Bear, only to then fall. Over a fortnight, Bear grows ever drowsy. The sky grows ever dark.
“Please,” Bear laments. “I’m still so hungry…”
Bear eats the last of Moon’s comb. The night becomes coal-black.
“Goodnight, Bear,” a daughter says. The final sting sends him to Nod.
Over a half month, the Queen replenishes her bounty. The night sky brightens.
My Feedback: On to Round 2!
(the judges were numbered and anonymous )
Dear Salem Arh,
The feedback from the judges on your 1st round submission from the 100-word Microfiction Challenge 2021 is below. You should be proud of rising to the challenge and we hope you find the feedback helpful. Because you placed in the top 15 of your group, you have advanced to the 2nd Round kicking off at 11:59PM EDT (New York time) on Friday, July 23rd. Congratulations and best of luck in the 2nd Round!
''The Bear and the Bees'' by Salem Arh -
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -
{2067} This microfiction takes a classic approach to tale-telling by explaining an everyday phenomenon like the waxing of the moon. The tone is great. One sentence in particular, "The final sting sends him to Nod," rings nicely for the sound of the story.
{1963} Mythology as explanation for natural phenomena is a classic staple of the genre and here you unify the prompt requirements with mythology as a device for explaining the waxing and waning of the moon. Clever and original work.
{2151} Bear eating the moon to darkness -- remarkable! That is a wondrous tale.
Bear growing drowsy and feeling hunger cutting through the weariness is something every reader will understand.
This is a fine origin story, indeed.
Truly lovely work.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -
{2067} The fairy tale tone could still come through the story if the tale-telling language were scaled back slightly. Some turns of phrase, like "grows ever drowsy . . .grows ever dark," or the repetition "Ignoring" are risks if used often in the same story.
{1963} While the structure and the concept is good, overall the language is a little halting. The best way to check this aspect of a story is to read it aloud, or better yet, have a close friend read it aloud. At what points do they stumble? Do they read it in the same way you hear it in your head?
{2151} Whose child is the daughter?
How does her sting reach him, when no other sting could?