The winners of the rounds are determined by their ranking, and only the top X many contestants move on to the next round. In Round 1, I ranked 9 out of 10 (you had to make top 10 to move on). For Round 1, there were 48 writers per group, and there were 115 groups, and 5486 people total in the competition. Now we're down to 1150 people left.
My Assignment:
Genre: Action and/or Adventure
Action: Giving a fist bump
Word: tide
My Entry:
Her Ring
“KORI!”
Arline struggled futilely to slow the closing door. The rising tide flooded their path into the ancient Star Eater tomb. Cultists and rushing water chased them further into its dark depths.
Kori slid across the lichen-covered stone and just barely through the shrinking gap. The door closed with ominous finality. “All for some stupid ring,” her sister admonished.
“It’s not just some stupid ring,” Kori argued. “The old woman—”
Arline sighed. She interrupted gently, “Your father left us all.”
This new chamber’s walls were as lichen-covered as the rest of what they’d seen of Star Eater. The pair of statues guarding the far door, however, looked freshly placed. The last of the Four Trials seemed alarmingly simple.
Pointing her torch at one statue, Arline snarled, “That’s him.” Kori’s father.
The other statue was a woman. They extended opposite arms straight before them with balled fists. Her father wore a ring, and the woman’s fist had a hole. Their attire matched those in etchings found throughout Star Eater.
Kori spun her ring—the woman’s ring. The door behind them violently leaked. Angling torchlight revealed a stamp of sorts matching the ring’s shallow engraving. Still wearing the ring, she pressed her knuckles against the woman’s.
The ground trembled. Air hissed sharply, and the door opened from a novel spiral center. Beyond lay a dry, lichen-free corridor.
“Four Trials complete!” Arline cheered.
With their history behind and their destiny ahead, they still had much to discover. “Twenty thousand leagues and counting,” Kori agreed.
My Feedback: Thanks for participating!
(the judges were numbered and anonymous)
Dear Salem Arh,
The feedback from the judges on your 2nd Round submission from the 250-word Microfiction Challenge 2021 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful and you are proud of the story you created for the challenge. Thank you for participating and we hope to see you in a future competition!
''Her Ring'' by Salem Arh -
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY -
{1943} 'Her Ring' was a compelling story. You created strong tension from the start, with the water rising and chasing the girls further into the tomb. The dialogue between the girls was heartfelt and authentic. I really wanted to know more about these fascinating characters, and to understand what had happened with their father. The "fist bump" with the statues was clever and intriguing. I loved the sentence "With their history behind and their destiny ahead, they still had much to discover." I would love to see more of this story, and to watch the characters face new trials!
{2024} I enjoyed the tone and visual imagery in this piece. I also appreciated the world development found in the details of the description. I appreciated the pacing of the story, as well as the foreboding doom of the leaking water that pushed them to make their decisions soon.
{2092} The overarching story seems like a lot of fun. There are some solid elements within the worldbuilding that engage the reader in the action.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK -
{1943} I noticed that you use a very wide variety of verbs in your dialogue tags, such as argued, admonished, interrupted, snarled, hissed, cheered and argued a second time. While a little variety makes your writing interesting, it's important not to let the tags take over from the dialogue. This was a large number of different verbs for a 250 word piece of writing. Tags should aim to be a minimal number, and as far as possible, be invisible, so that we focus on the dialogue. The word "said" is invisible to the reader, as long as it's not overloaded with an adverb, so I would see how many tags you could delete, or switch to "said". This will change the tone of the narrative, by placing more emphasis on your characters and plot. For example, I wasn't sure that you needed "she interrupted gently", as we had already seen Arline's reaction as she sighed.
{2024} This piece has a good foundation. Moving forward, I would like clarification on the world / main characters. For example, although I knew Arline and Kori were sisters, the line about "You father left us all" caused some confusion. Like, he was a traitor to his country, or he left their family? Also, if Kori was given the ring to complete the fourth of the Four Trials, why was Arline mad at her? Were they not aware of the trials before their journey? What would have been the other option?
{2092} The story doesn't feel like a contained narrative. Though some elements are interesting, they are a bit too broad for this small vignette. The idea of the trials isn't given enough depth in the short story, making for a somewhat muddled premise. Try to cut down on the more broad elements, explaining, for now, what the stakes are in this moment for Kori and Arline.